


The one that didn't give up

by Starryfaris



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Andy Grammer song, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Katy Perry Song, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Fluff, Love, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Break Up, and, loosely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starryfaris/pseuds/Starryfaris
Summary: "Shoyo, I think we should break up." Kenma felt pressure on his hand as Hinata gripped it harder. "Good luck with everything."
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Kudos: 42





	1. Kenma’s pain

**Author's Note:**

> Guys I'm so bad with angst, it's like the idea is on the tip of my tongue but I'm having trouble conveying it. :(

In a dimly lit restaurant, Kenma sits opposite Kuroo. They’ve both been really busy so it was a bit odd that Kuroo called him to hang out tonight.

“It’s been so long since we’ve done this, it’s nice isn’t it?” Kuroo says

“Yeah... but I don’t understand why he’s here.” Kenma says as he looks at Bokuto

“Kuroo, why doesn’t Kenma like me?” Bokuto says nearly on the verge of tears

“He does Bo, of course he does. Isn’t that right Kenma?” Kuroo says as he rubs Bokuto’s back and pleads with Kenma with his eyes.

Kenma rolls his eyes, he really doesn’t want to deal with a depressed Bokuto right now.

“Yes Bokuto, I like you. I was just surprised that you were coming too.”

And just like that Bokuto was back to his normal, happy self.

As the evening went on and they were well into the food they had ordered. Bokuto was talking animatedly to Kuroo, Kuroo looking at him with an endearing smile.

Kenma wasn’t really listening to what they were talking about, instead he was subconsciously humming along with the quiet live music that was playing.

Kenma’s ears picked up one word from Bokuto’s conversation, Hinata. Kenma flinched but made it so he was unfazed by it.

Then suddenly as if someone had turned the volume up, the words to the song playing in the background resounded in his ears.

  
_In another life, I would be your girl_  
_We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world_  
_In another life, I would make you stay_  
_So I don't have to say you were the one that got away_  
_The one that got away_

  
The dull ache he's had for so long became a sharp pain piercing his heart. Kenma could feel warm tears falling down his face, he needed to get out of there.

He mumbled something about not feeling well and that he’d message later to Kuroo and left.

Kenma doesn’t understand, why after so long he was feeling this. The tears falling steadily without permission, he finally made it home.

Just as he entered, he heard his phone go off. Probably Kuroo he thought to himself as he took his phone out of his pocket.

He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked at his phone, there was a message from Kuroo but there was also another notification, he clicked on it. It was a reminder for an event.

  
**Shoyo’s coming home today!!!**

  
Kenma stood there looking at the words, his heart stopped and his throat closed. Thick hot tears falling from his eyes. His legs give way and he’s on the floor, he can't breathe, he's beating at his chest willing it to restart his heart. _It hurts, the pain is unbearable._

An agonised ‘Shoyo’ escaping from his lips as his heart starts beating. He sobs into his hands.

Kenma knew he loved Hinata a few months after meeting him, he knew that they were completely different as people but their friendship proved that, that didn’t matter.

On the day they met at Nationals, Kenma confessed to Hinata and much to his surprise Hinata reciprocated his feelings.

Living so far apart did prove to be a bit tricky but they were determined to make it work because they loved each other too much to give up.

It wasn't a surprise that Hinata had big aspirations when it came to his volleyball career so when the mention of going to Brazil came up, Hinata had consulted Kenma saying that if he didn’t want him to go then he wouldn’t.

But how could Kenma stop Hinata from living his dream? Painfully he agreed for Hinata to go to Brazil, even said he’d sponsor him.

Kenma had never lived inside his head as much as he did during the weeks leading up to Hinata’s departure. The sweetest thing was that Hinata would reassure Kenma every chance he got, he had faith that they’d be ok. Kenma believed that up until the day Hinata was leaving. 

They were at the airport, Kenma hadn’t said anything the whole ride over. Every now and then Hinata would squeeze the hand that was interlocked with his, sending a wave of reassurance through his body.

The boarding for Hinata’s flight had been called on the tannoy, Kenma's breath caught in his throat, the surrounding area became blurry. He didn’t know why he said it, why he thought it was the best thing to do.

 _"Shoyo, I think we should break up."_ Kenma felt pressure on his hand as Hinata gripped it harder. " _Good luck with everything."_ And with that Kenma ripped his hand away and ran off, afraid to look back in case his resolve breaks because he’d already broken his own heart.

Kenma cried for weeks, not wanting to eat, not able to sleep. The only thing that took his mind off it was playing video games. It didn’t remind him of Hinata unless it was a game they played together. 

The ache in his heart became a dull murmur as time went on. He would always love Hinata no matter what, he didn’t expect to be with him again especially after the way he ended it. He tried to live as comfortably as he could, he thought he was moving on. _He was wrong._

 _Shoyo, Shoyo, Shoyo._ Lying on the doorway of his house, with his cheeks against the cold hard floor, Kenma is whispering the same name over and over. He’s still sobbing as he wishes Hinata was there, so he could say he was sorry and that he loves him.

There’s a knock on the door snapping Kenma out of his thoughts. He wants nothing more than to just lay there and wallow in his own heartbreak but he thinks it’s Kuroo checking up on him. So he gets up tentatively, wiping away his tears and composing himself. 

He opens the door and his eyes widen, as if by him willing it, the person he wanted most is at his doorstep. “Shoyo” Before he could stop his body, he’s flung himself onto Hinata, crying into him. He felt Hinata tense up for a moment before reciprocating the hug.

Kenma says sorry over and over so Hinata knows, this time he’s never letting him go again.


	2. Hinata’s hardship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being without you was so hard, I missed you so much...

Hinata doesn’t remember how he got here. Standing in front of Kenma’s house in the late evening. He had just got off a plane, being away in Brazil for the past two years.

_‘Shoyo, I think we should break up. Good luck with everything.’_

Were the last words Hinata heard Kenma say before he went away.

He willed Kenma to take the words back, squeezing the hand that had Kenma’s hand but the only thing Kenma took back was his hand.

Hinata was stood motionless in a busy airport, thinking what had just happened.

The first few weeks in Brazil were hard, his heart was broken, he missed his family and friends, he missed Kenma.

On a particularly bad day, Hinata had arrived at his apartment after a jog and he heard a voice he’d recognise anywhere.

His roommate was watching a live stream of Kenma on YouTube. Looking at the screen Hinata could see that Kenma was doing just as bad as he was.

Kenma looked tired and he looked as if he’d lost weight. It broke his heart to see Kenma like that.

As he watched from afar, tears started streaming down his face, he hadn’t cried since that first day. The music playing on the one headphone he had on snapped him back to reality.

  
_I'll reach my hands out in the dark_  
_And wait for yours to interlock_  
_I'll wait for you_  
_I'll wait for you_  
_'Cause I'm not givin' up_  
_I'm not givin' up, givin' up, no, not yet_  
_Even when I'm down to my last breath_  
_Even when they say there's nothin' left_

  
Hinata decided that from that day he would do what he came to do so he can get home. He focused all his thoughts and energy on improving his skills but even after two years, when someone would ask him about his sponsorship, he would always have to catch himself before saying ‘boyfriend’ because Kenma was no longer his.

So here he was standing in front of Kenma’s house. Did he want Kenma back? Did he still love Kenma? or does he just want answers so he can move on? He plucked up the courage to knock on the door.

When the door opened and he saw Kenma. His heart made the choice for him, _He still loved him._

Seeing Kenma made his heart leap but also broke it looking at the state Kenma was in. His eyes puffy and red, tears streaking his cheeks, before Hinata knew it his arms were full of a sobbing boy.

Hinata tensed at the touch but hearing his name sound so broken from Kenma’s lips, he wrapped his arms around Kenma.

 _“I’m sorry Shoyo, I’m so sorry.”_ Was the mantra Kenma kept repeating until he said, “Please don’t leave again.” To which Hinata replied, “Don’t let me go again.”

They stood there in each others embrace for a while, Kenma not wanting to move as his sobbing subsided, it was like he was afraid that if he let go, Hinata will leave again.

“Should we go inside?” Hinata says after quite some time

Kenma didn’t move, he just held on tighter which made Hinata chuckle.

So he carried Kenma inside as well as his luggage. He thought to himself that if he was the same as he was back in High school, he would have crumbled under the weight.

He kicked off his shoes and set the bags down, then made his way to the sofa. Hinata sits down with Kenma, straddling his lap and his head resting on Hinata's shoulders. Kenma is still sniffling as they sit in silence.

As happy as he is to have Kenma in his arms, Hinata needed to get some things off his chest.

“It was hard, you know.”

Kenma stirred to show he was listening.

“Being without you was so hard, I missed you so much and my heart was broken.”

At this Hinata felt Kenma squeeze him tighter.

“I know you must have had your reasons so I wasn’t angry, I was just hurt you didn’t talk to me.”

After a small pause, Kenma moved his face from the crook of Hinata’s neck. He sat up on Hinata’s lap with his head down, tears streaming his face once again. 

Kenma breathes out a ragged breath, “I thought I was doing what was best for you. You were fulfilling your dream, I didn’t want to be the one that kept you back. I didn’t want to tie you down.”

Hinata cups Kenma’s face with both his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears, he brings Kenma’s face up so he can look him in the eye.

“You think you tie me down? Kenma, the only reason I can keep going is because you believe in me. You always had faith in me and never made me think that I couldn’t do something. I’ve always felt your support, even when you weren’t with me. There will never be a time when I won’t want you. My dream includes you, so please stay beside me for a very long time.”

Kenma gives Hinata a small smile while nodding, then falls back into a hug. They both sigh contently and sit like that for a while longer.

Hinata feels the pain and hardship from the past two years slowly wash away, with every chest fall of Kenma’s against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate that I can't put into words the ideas that come to me. It's so frustrating. Yes I suck, I know.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know my writing sucks.


End file.
